3 posts tagged “deborah”

After a tad over of a year of therapy for clinical depression, I am a lot closer to who and what I am. I was so angry after my Mother passed, even my husband would call me "Bad Deborah". The meds help too, but the talking with Therese has opened up several "dark" areas. Mostly it was about being alone. Most of my survival skills come from childhood. What memories I have being alone was a biggy. I was a latch-key kids. Come home for lunch, make it myself, call my mother at work, then go back to school. Now, mind you this was grade school. I remember Mother telling me she would get me up, dressed, fed, and then she would lay me back down on the couch with the alarm clock to go off when I was suppose to go to school. A lot of my survival skills came from a violent father. I had a rich "fantasy" life then as I keep the really scary and bad stuff behind really thick mental walls. Not ready to look at those yet. I do have a serious problem with trust. That is why I do shy away from people.
I enjoy doing my gardens, beadwork and crochet. Those really help me to "stay on track"-mentally. I am not good with crowds, or social functions ether. I just never know how to act or do that small talk stuff. And with talking I now can see that I can work on my beadwork or crochet without feeling like I should be doing houework or chores first. It is difficult to realize I am an artist/craftsperson.
As far as letting people help me, that is what we are working on now . . .   

Well, today hubby got his dentures. I was so surprised at the quickness of it. This morning he had all his front remaining teeth taken out, then we went to his other dentist and she fitted him with his dentures. Mind blowing to say the least. And he looks so good now. As you may remember, my husband has what is commonly called innocent tremor in both of his hands. It is not Parkinson's. Anyway, this disease gets worse as one ages. And of course, one might not care so much for ones teeth if one discovers that it is very difficult to floss with trembling hands. hubby is also going over to an electric razor so that he won't slit his throat one of these days with a blade razor. Now, don't worry hubby and I even joke with each other about what's going wrong about ourselves. A good one for hubby is that he is one of the few people who would "stutter" at sign language. Hubby's cousin Blake is deaf and he thought it was so funny he made sure the entire deaf community knew.